MILITARY-ONE

Current Survivors (Left to right): 
(I decided to name everyone what they should have been named at birth because that's how the world works now)

Casual Jim

Captain Fuck-You

Doc Runts

Psycho-Bob

REPORT 100201 

DATE: 20/08/2011

KEY EVENTS:

We run out of cheese. I like cheese and I don't like running out of it. This must become PRIORITY ONE. Preferably those cheese slices in plastic sheets because they remind me of life on the farm and dew on the grass on a clear summers morning and all that shit. Doesn't remind me of ACTUAL shit because I don't like eating that and I like eating cheese. If I enjoyed eating shit I would be a very happy man because we have lots of shit. Technically we contain tiny shit-making factories inside of us. Might be useful if we ever encounter a trade situation where they want shit. Also sperm. 

Also discovered a civilian who calls himself Thomas on the roads heading out of Chelmsford. We took an instant liking to him because he had a bag of drugs. Drugs are almost as good as cheese these days. Didn't like his hair though - looks like a fag. Fags like shit don't they? Must make a mental note to see if he wants ours, might be a successful and prosperous trade relationship. Might make him take it anyway, something about a man carrying a bag of my shit which is hilarious. Another mental note.

Good news! Apparently fag-boy is with two more survivors near here. And guess what? One of them is a WOMAN. Might have to go 'rescue' her. If shes been around fags the whole time I'm sure she'll appreciate being around some real men for a while if you know what I mean. 

Scrap previous rescue plans - fag-boy left her with a bitten. She'll most likely be zombie food by now and probably less attractive (or more! Sometimes having a womans face bitten off is an improvement). Couldn't hurt to send some a couple of scouts and have a look. Plus, she might have some cheese! Tomorrow could possibly be the best day ever?

Signing off

Captain Fuck-You.