Entry 6 - Maslow

CURRENT SURVIVORS:

 
I've been thinking a lot about purpose lately. What exactly am I surviving for? What exactly am I living for?

This made me think about pre-apocalypse days; what exactly was my purpose back then? The more I think the more I realise I have no idea. A career? I had one because that's what I was supposed to be doing and everyone else had one. Money had no value to me - having things were nice but it wasn't important. Others were determined to be the best, reach the top, be the smartest. And why? Just for the sake of it I think, feeling important and powerful by affirmations from others. Successful for successfuls sake. It just seems so pointless in retrospect.

A relationship? Sure it was nice but I don't believe my personal value should be dependent on another person. Making the world a better place? I don't believe many people do that for reasons that aren't selfish. True altruism is questionable, as much as I want it to exist. If I were to have done it, it would have been for the status, the attention and the feel-good factor. Are results more important than motivations and intentions? When it comes to self-worth I would say yes, definately. I realise now I had no meaningful goals. I had goals, sure. But they were provided by the autonomous, self-valued society I lived in. Now that society is gone it all seems a bit odd.

Maslow was a psychologist who proposed we can't have motivation to seek things like purpose and self-worth without first meeting our basic needs, such as safety and food. Well, these post-apocalypse days are the perfect test for this, basic needs are in a bit of short supply. So, surely I should be focusing on survival and ignoring the bigger picture for now? In truth, I have been focusing on survival. In these days Maslow's pyramid of needs is up-side down. I know my purpose: survive. Survive to keep our species alive. Survive to keep alive culture, knowledge, morals, intelligence. Is that not one of the greatest purposes ever? I needed an apocalypse to truly realise myself. Or maybe Maslow was right all along? This is me focusing on what Maslow said was basic needs. I confuse myself.

Anyway, still no sign of Thomas. Maybe I was a little quick to assume he's abandoned me. I'm now worried he might have run into trouble. Still, I'm in no rush. I'm going to wait at least a few days longer, although I might need to go find some supplies soon. Still no sign of Chris yet either...

Still surviving,
Katherine

P.S. I found an old newspaper clipping from pre-apocalypse days. I'm thinking of collecting these things, we'll see.

+ 2 NEWS PAPER CLIPPINGS FOUND